weird...

So it is currently around 12:30 a.m. in New Zealand on sunday morning. My flight leaves Christchurch in a matter of hours (10 to be exact). It feels very odd to no longer be measuring my time left here in months, weeks, or days. I've been anxious to get home for a little while now, but that doesn't make leaving behind all my friends and experiences that I've made here. It feels like the last semester really flew by. Come to think of it, I can say that for the last few semesters of my collegiate career. I guess that just solidifies the point I've been hinting at all semester, life comes at you fast and if you don't take everything in stride you're going to miss quite a few important things. I've been scrambling the past few days trying to make time for everyone and to say my last goodbyes. It's very overwhelming and I know I'm going to forget a few things I've been meaning to say and goodbyes that I've been meaning to give.

I guess the weirdest part about this is that I don't know when (if ever) I'll be back in this country. That makes these goodbyes more permanent than I would like. We're down to three of five people living our flat as of now and it has been a weird experience to say goodbye to people as they leave knowing that I have no idea when I'll see them again. I've always coped with goodbyes knowing that I'd see that person again in the future whether it be days, weeks, or months from now, but never have I dealt with a scenario where I'd be saying goodbye to friends not knowing if I'd ever see them again. It's a extremely odd emotion to be feeling to say the least.

I've seen some amazing things during my time here and met some incredible people that I'll never forget. I guess when it comes down to it that's all you can really hope for from an experience like this. It's given me a pretty grand perspective on things and what does and does not matter in the grand scheme of things. There are things worth worrying about and protecting and other things that are best left alone and let go. I'm sad to be leaving, but at the time I recognize that it is the right time. I've done most of the things I've set out to do during my time here, experienced the things I wanted to, had a great time all around, but it's time to pack up and head out. With all my belongings safely packed into suitcases my room looks like a skeleton of what it once was. It serves as a reminder that even though this country has left its mark on me, I'll leave just as swiftly as I came. I can only hope to have made some lasting relationships with people who will hold fond memories of me. I suppose that's probably true of most events in life, you'll leave just as quick as you came with less impact that you would've hoped, the only truly lasting remnants of the time you spend in a place are the interpersonal experiences you have with other people.

I'm running out of things to say here in my last New Zealand blog entry so I'll hang up the towel soon. I've got a few hours left in this country and I suppose I'll go out and spend them in the best manner that I can, hanging out with friends and enjoying the dwindling moments of their company. I hope everything is well with the people who are reading this, I'm sure I'll see all of you soon. I'll write one or two entries when I return to the country and let you know how I'm adjusting, but until then I bid you g'day.

10 sleeps left in New Zealand

Hmmm... what to say that hasn't already been said. I've got a little over a week left of time here in the Kiwi country. I'm not really sure what else to write about. I'm pretty content with things at this point in the trip (aside from the impending two exams that are looming over my head). I don't have a lot on my mind aside from trying to get through some studying and do well on these last few assessments. I had a nice, quiet week working on my sociology take-home exam, which I think turned out pretty well (for the most part). Still no word on any final grades for the two classes I'm now done with, but I feel pretty confident with my marks in both of them. We'll see how confident I am with my two unfinished classes once monday evening rolls around and I am entirely done. With that being said I've still made time to get out a little bit and enjoy the last few weeks I have with friends (in fact maybe a little too much). I figured there's only so much you can fret over studying and worrying about what letter grade you're going to receive for your work. I've worked hard this semester and feel pretty on top of the material I need to know for the final, so why not take a few breaks here and there to help pass the time and little more enjoyably.

I know I will be sad when I have to say goodbye to people, but I feel somewhat (guiltily) apathetic at this point. I think that's just because I really haven't even realized how soon I'm leaving. Even though I'm down to almost single-digit days left it still seems far off. I guess I've settled into that mindset over the past few months. There would be times when I would miss home, but I focused on the present and worked to enjoy each minute I have over here, cause who knows when something like this will happen again. I guess I've gotten a bit caught up in that mentality and while I've been subconsciously counting down the days until I get home it still feels far off for some reason. I guess my mind is a bit conflicted right now about what to feel. I'm sure I'll realize all the things that warrant missing as I'm leaving the country and within a few weeks of being home. People I've talked to ask me how the experience was and I pretty much tell them all the same thing. It was really great, I saw some amazing things and met some exceptional people, but I'm ready to be home. Some of my abroad friends said they felt the same way, while others wish they could spent the rest of their lives abroad (I guess it really just depends on the individual). Personally, I just have far too much emotional investment back home to be able to spend more that five months away.

It will definitely be odd arriving home and having most of my friends having either already left town or gearing up to leave town for the remaining months of summer. I guess that's too be expected though I mean it's the summer before most people's senior years and although I'll be a junior (thank you five-year system) I still feel that sense of being more grown up than I'd like to admit. This whole experience kind of solidified that feeling too. I mean being able to be out on your own, halfway around the world for five months is not small feat. I've been in situations and circumstances here that are outside of my comfort zone, I've grown up, and I suppose the most amazing thing of all is that I come out of this with both feet planted firmly on the ground. I feel a bit more level-headed than when I left the country. I've learned how to relax a little, not stress too much over everything. I've taken a backseat in planning things that I normally would've taken charge of. I've tried to step out of my comfort zone physically, emotionally, and socially and I'd like to think I've benefited from it. I'm still that same sleep deprived stress case I've always been, but maybe just a little less-so now. There's only so much you can worry about everything, and stress is only productive in very small doses. I hope to keep that mindset going into the last few years of school, because graduate coursework is not going to be a cakewalk by any means.

I guess I've learned a little bit how to focus on the present while I'm over here. People always talk about when are you ever going to get to experience something like this again and in that question/statement lies an idea that I probably should have clung onto a long time ago. There's only so much that planning for the future can do for you and there are times when you need to sit back and enjoy where you are in life. Sure you can take time to look back and see where you've been, look forward to see where you're going, but all in all if you don't take time to enjoy where you are now then what's the point? I guess I may be a little hypocritical because as I write this I'm somewhat counting down the days until I get home, but putting that aside I've really tried to enjoy my time over here for what it is, a fleeting experience. I guess that can be said about any experience, ever moment is fleeting in reality, the good and the bad will both pass and cling to what you can because it's not like any of us are getting any younger. Alright well I'm not entirely sure what the overall message of this entry is/was supposed to be, but I figured it had been a little while and I should update and this is what came out. I've got a few entries left in me before I retire this blog so I'm sure you are all looking forward to my final profound thoughts to come in the next week or so, but until next time, take care.

20 days left (almost down to the teens)

The pictures for today are brought to you from the northern tip of New Zealand. That would be to the northern most point of the north island (I wanted to see how many times I could say north in the first two sentences of my blog). It was a fairly amazing spot to look out on, but it was very much geared towards tourists, which was a bit of a downside. I think I mentioned this before, but it probably bears repeating. Most of my favorite parts of our trip across the country were the places that were off the beaten path, where you could really sit down and enjoy everything around you. I do enjoy places like this that are naturally beautiful, but it does have a detracting aspect when everyone is busy around you with cameras out and posing for that perfect photo. I guess that was one upside of me losing my camera on this trip, I really didn't have to worry about capturing everything I saw in a digital image, I could just relax and look around and know that I was experiencing this for myself and not worrying about viewing everything though a lens. Technology tends to make you worry more about relaying information than actually absorbing it. Thus, why our generation needs iPhones to look up on wikipedia all the answers to the questions that we should already know if we paid attention half the time we were supposed to. Hmmm well I guess that's enough of an aside as to why technology will be the downfall of our generation and of human intelligence in general (believe me I'm not suggesting I'm exempt from such accusations, if I'm leaving my flat for over a minute I won't go without my iPod in hand).
Well I guess it's come down to the last three weeks of my time in New Zealand (actually less than three weeks if you want to get technical about it). I can't say I've really absorbed that idea yet, I've been living in this place for about 4.5 months and I guess a lot of things have become habit for me. I'll probably miss them once their gone, but I can't pinpoint any one things that I'll really miss once I board that plane on the 28th. I guess my mind is a bit more focused on the finals I have ahead of me in the coming weeks. I finished my game theory final (and therefore am done with the course entirely) this past Friday. I'm pretty sure it went well, but I'll know for sure in about a week or two, but regardless it feels good to have at least one class checked off my list so now I can move on to the three others that await. This coming week will consist of me reading and writing essays for my take-home sociology exam. I don't foresee this as being a really difficult assignment, I guess the most difficult aspect is facing procrastination in the face and staring it down until I finish the exam and hand it in by friday.
I may be doing a bit of traveling towards the end of the week, a handful of friends went on a trip around the south island for this week (since it's a study week and I'm the only one who has a take-home test due). I might end up meeting up with them later on in the week down in Dunedin if I can get my act together. I'm not entirely sure I'm up for traveling, but I can always decide that later on in the week. I've actually enjoyed the past couple of days being quieter without everyone around and always feeling like I should be going out or doing something. There is something quite fitting about winding down my time in New Zealand, by spending some quieter time to sit back and reflect a bit and, perhaps more importantly, catch up on some sleep. I suppose a lot of people would be bummed to have a take-home exam during the week when everyone is traveling, but I'm glad to have my finals somewhat divided up over four weeks. I know a lot of friends who have a lot of finals crammed together, which makes preparation a bit hard. However, even with mine being a bit more spread out I will have environmental economics and modern world history (which I am most certainly not looking forward to) within two days of each other. So after this week I'll buckle down and study for the following one and then have my two exams on the 20th and 22nd. Then it's six days until I'm on a plane home.
Aside from that mini-update on academics and whatnot I'm not sure I have any other terribly exciting news to report on. I'm a bit tired-eyed right now even though it's only 8 p.m. so maybe I'll get to bed early tonight (although that's probably wishful thinking at best). Perhaps I'll spend a bit of time trying to get a start on my sociology exam since I've put it off for the past few days, but again that may a bit to ask for right now. I can safely say that I've most definitely reached that point where I'm ready a for a couple of months off from school work (although I feel kind of guilty saying that because I've spent the last four months in a foreign country many would kill to visit, but in my defense I did do a fair amount of school work and have stayed on top of my studies over here). Well, maybe I'll come back next week with an amazing story, or maybe I'll give you another terribly exciting update on how my finals are going because I know how much you love to hear about that kind of stuff. Or maybe I'll just have a bit more on my mind that I do right now, which would make for a more interesting entry. Until then I hope everything is going well with you all halfway across the world.

rounding out the last few weeks

Well I know I seem to have gotten a little behind on my weekly regular entries. I like to think that I write such lengthy and involved entries that it's hard for my brain to recover in a week (but really that's just me making up long-shot excuses for procrastinating). So now it's nearly 2 a.m. on a Wednesday morning and I'm at my computer blogging. I've just finished up studying for the evening for an exam which is on Friday. I'm by no means done preparing, but I'm at least done for the night/morning which is a start. I suppose I didn't get as much done this past weekend as I would have liked (it was a three day weekend because it was the Queen's birthday this past monday, so hooray for monarchies). However, I did get to go out and have a grand time with friends and sleep the days away, which is something I think everyone needs now and again so I'm not too upset with the lack of time I devoted to studying (what an exemplary scholarship student I am, huh?). Anyway I've been packing in the past few days with reading and note-taking and will be packing the next few with review and practice tests. I'm not too worried about the test, I think it will be manageable and then after that it's one class down three to go.

It's very odd to be at the tail end of classes. As much as I'm looking forward to going home, I've realized how fast the past four months have gone. In fact I can kind of hardly believe that I've been over here that long. In some ways it feels like an eternity and in others it feels like an instant. I'm not really conflicted about leaving here, but I think the fact that the time felt like it went by fast probably is a good aspect in terms of my enjoyment of the experience (I guess you could go with the sure-fire saying of 'time flies when you're having fun'). I guess I've just kept busy with classes and trying to adjust and absorb a new environment that I haven't really stopped to watch the days go by. Yet here I am with 25 days left in a foreign country I may never see again (who knows where my life travels will take me, but it's not like America where I know I'll return again and again). I think it's going to be very odd to say goodbye to people I've gotten to know so well, yet may never encounter again. I haven't really focused on acknowledging that aspect of it yet. I think everyone has their utopian views of the world, where they picture themselves staying in touch and seeing all their friends again in their future. I guess it's easier to stay in touch given the age of technology we're in, but technology doesn't make distances any shorter to travel across (yet at least).

I guess I'm kind of in the mode of one day at a time right now. Both academically and socially. I've got only a little bit of time in between tests (I don't consider a week to be an entirely large amount of time to study for two finals, especially when one is modern world history) so I'm trying to get assessments ready and done with as they're thrown at me. It's working well so far, but that might be because I have yet to have a final exam, we'll see how I feel about my prior sentiments in about four days. Anyways, I keep going back to thinking about how drastically different my experience has been than what I expected it to be initially. As I've mentioned before, this is neither good nor bad, this experience has been what it's been and I wouldn't necessarily change anything about it. I think I just came in here expecting to be completely immersed in a new culture and immediately in love with the country. Neither of these has happened, but I've definitely adjusted to my surroundings here and acquired a fondness for the country over the span of my stay here. I'll be somewhat sad to see it all go, but I will also welcome New Hampshire and Boston with open arms. I find that I've missed the big things and little things about home. The personal relationships I have with friends and family are obvious, but even beyond that all the minutiae of life at home at school have taken a permanent residence in my mind for the past few months.

I also guess I expected to be a somewhat different person coming over here. What better environment to change your persona than in a country where no one knows your name or face. While I have a grown a mighty manly (read: scruffy) beard, I don't think I've changed anything. However, I've learned some important things about myself. Namely, that I like who I am and am comfortable in my own skin. That's more than I can say for a lot of people, and while I know I have shortcomings and faults, I am largely happy with the person I've developed into. For example, I expected to come over here and be a much more outdoors-oriented person, since New Zealand is known for it's natural beauty and scenic landscapes, however, this didn't really happen. I did spend three weeks traveling, camping, etc. across the country which I enjoyed immensely, but I realized that I'm not an outdoors person and I'm okay with that. I've adopted the view that it takes getting out of your comfort zone to know where it is to begin with. I'm not a huge fan of hiking, camping, fishing, etc. What I do really do enjoy though is doing things that other people really enjoy as a way to get to know them better. I would not know the people I went on that trip half as well (hell even a quarter as well) as I do now had it not been for doing all of those things on that trip. There are things that you can only find out about people given certain scenarios and situations. People show their true colors when you're around them 24/7 for three weeks crammed into a packed tiny car and doing every activity with them.

I guess the same could be said with the larger experience I've had over here in New Zealand. This is something that really can't be replicated in any way shape or form. All the things I've done over here and the people I met have been in the context of this trip and this experience. I guess you could really say that about any stage in life, but I feel that it's especially true when you're halfway around the world with a whole lot of people around that you don't know in the slightest. Well now that I've expanded an individual insight, from a road trip, to my experience in New Zealand, to all my past/present/future life experiences that's as good a place as any to wrap up this entry. I'm sorry to not have exciting news on the happenings over here halfway across the world (in the future mind you), but seeing as how the majority of my time will be taken up with academia in the next few weeks, you'll have to deal with my ramblings in the next few entries. Oh and sorry for the lack of visual stimuli in this entry I am too tired/lazy to pick out good photos and insert them into the entry (and yes, I am that lazy right now).