Post-Return Entry

So I left New Zealand a month ago to this day. I figured this would be an appropriate time to collect my thoughts about the trip and put them together for one last entry. I would like to say I've been spending the last month mulling over my experience thinking of the perfect way to write this entry, but that's only half true, the other half I was procrastinating and not doing anything at all really. I guess I can start with the same thing that I tell everyone who has asked me how the experience was so far: it was really great and by the end of the five months (or so) I was entirely ready to come home. Now after being home for a month I can safely say that home can be quite boring at times, but my first thought in response to boredom isn't 'I wish I was back in New Zealand right now', on the contrary it's 'I can't wait to get back down to Boston for the fall semester.' I guess that sums up a lot about how I view my abroad experience in hindsight. It was fun and I had a really enjoyable time in a foreign land, but when it comes down to it, I'd rather spend my time now looking forward and being excited for the future, rather than dwelling on the past.

I would like to say that New Zealand changed me in some time of significant and inspiring way, but truth be told I feel the same as when I left. I feel a little more grown up (about 5 months to be exact), a little more mature, but nothing too monumental. I guess the biggest change is that I feel more grounded (go figure, I go abroad and end up more grounded... not sure how that one works). I feel more attached to New Hampshire and Boston than I was when I left, I have a newfound excitement to return to school in the fall (it's been a full year since I've attended classes at Northeastern). I guess this is the best case scenario, it's better to be excited about the coming day than sad the previous day is forever done with. People asked me if I'm dying to go back there or if I'll end up going back there later in life and to be quite honest I have no idea. I'm at a place now where I've got a healthy does of traveling and I'm not in the mindset to plan any other global adventures I might experience in the future. I just am not jumping to leave this place behind again after I've just arrived back.

I guess the advice that I would give future study abroad students ties to what I've said in this blog all along. Don't go into study abroad with the stereotypical expectations about the experience. Your trip is whatever you make of it, don't think you have to do everything that people expect you to do. I suppose that seems also like a life-long lesson, but it really is quite true in this situation. Everyone will want to tell you that you'll have a life-changing experience and that it'll be the journey of a lifetime. Maybe it will, and maybe it won't, but let it be whatever it turns into. Don't go into it expecting much of anything, half the fun about traveling far away is the mystery and the intrigue that such an event holds. It's more fun when your abroad experience turns into something you hardly ever expected and to be honest, it was much more fun for me to figure things out as they came along the way. Also you don't need to reinvent yourself while abroad, oftentimes people force themselves to change because they feel like it's part of the process. Let things happen and life will end up changing you (it has a funny way of doing that). I learned that I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I initially thought, so I guess in an odd way, I changed by not changing so much.

I would like to say I learned a whole ton about New Zealand culture and history, but truth be told I am still no expert on any foreign culture (I'm probably not that good of a resource when it comes to American culture either), but what I did learn I learned from people I met and friends I made. There's only so much you can take out of a classroom and, while it is called 'study abroad' a lot of the knowledge I gained was entirely outside of the classroom and off the campus. I may not have learned a lot about the history of New Zealand, but I got to know some of the people who live there very well, and saw a lot of it's beautiful scenery. I've noticed that I still say some kiwi terms now and again (I don't think I'll ever stop calling candy "lollies") and I have to catch my tongue sometimes because I realize that no one I'm currently talking to will get any of the references I was about to make, but that's all part of re-adjusting to my surroundings and realizing that I'm, once again, back home and no longer abroad.

I could ponder over the question of what I learned about myself while abroad for months and not come up with a satisfactory answer. I feel like I've given a few examples and ideas of how I might have changed in the preceding paragraphs, but truth be told it's very hard to see how you've personally changed. I guess I'm just a little to close to the question to give an accurate answer. I personally don't think I've changed that much, but maybe if you were to ask someone else you'd get an entirely different answer. I don't feel like I found a new piece of myself in New Zealand, or left a piece of myself there either for that matter. I feel, by and large, like the same old me, for better or worse.

I guess the last question to address would be what was my favorite memory. The answer to this is just being able to spend my three week break on the road with four other friends going all over a completely foreign country. This is probably a cop-out because it's not one single memory, but rather a collection. However, to me it's very hard to separate a single memory out of that whole trip, it is best recollected as an experience in its entirety. Come to think of it that's kind of how I feel about the entire five month trip. It's best remembered as a whole experience. Trying to pick out specific instants and moments seems to ruin the continuity and flow of the whole experience to me. I guess that's why I don't necessarily love fielding questions about the experience either. The whole thing is a kind of "you had to be there" moment to me. I can do my best to explain it in excruciatingly explicit detail, but even then it's all still words and not much more. Such moments are much better to live through than to relay to someone else after the fact. I guess this is the end of this blog, who knows where my amazing ability with prose will take me later in life, perhaps there will be a blog resurgence later, but for now this is it, I hope you've all enjoyed reading.

weird...

So it is currently around 12:30 a.m. in New Zealand on sunday morning. My flight leaves Christchurch in a matter of hours (10 to be exact). It feels very odd to no longer be measuring my time left here in months, weeks, or days. I've been anxious to get home for a little while now, but that doesn't make leaving behind all my friends and experiences that I've made here. It feels like the last semester really flew by. Come to think of it, I can say that for the last few semesters of my collegiate career. I guess that just solidifies the point I've been hinting at all semester, life comes at you fast and if you don't take everything in stride you're going to miss quite a few important things. I've been scrambling the past few days trying to make time for everyone and to say my last goodbyes. It's very overwhelming and I know I'm going to forget a few things I've been meaning to say and goodbyes that I've been meaning to give.

I guess the weirdest part about this is that I don't know when (if ever) I'll be back in this country. That makes these goodbyes more permanent than I would like. We're down to three of five people living our flat as of now and it has been a weird experience to say goodbye to people as they leave knowing that I have no idea when I'll see them again. I've always coped with goodbyes knowing that I'd see that person again in the future whether it be days, weeks, or months from now, but never have I dealt with a scenario where I'd be saying goodbye to friends not knowing if I'd ever see them again. It's a extremely odd emotion to be feeling to say the least.

I've seen some amazing things during my time here and met some incredible people that I'll never forget. I guess when it comes down to it that's all you can really hope for from an experience like this. It's given me a pretty grand perspective on things and what does and does not matter in the grand scheme of things. There are things worth worrying about and protecting and other things that are best left alone and let go. I'm sad to be leaving, but at the time I recognize that it is the right time. I've done most of the things I've set out to do during my time here, experienced the things I wanted to, had a great time all around, but it's time to pack up and head out. With all my belongings safely packed into suitcases my room looks like a skeleton of what it once was. It serves as a reminder that even though this country has left its mark on me, I'll leave just as swiftly as I came. I can only hope to have made some lasting relationships with people who will hold fond memories of me. I suppose that's probably true of most events in life, you'll leave just as quick as you came with less impact that you would've hoped, the only truly lasting remnants of the time you spend in a place are the interpersonal experiences you have with other people.

I'm running out of things to say here in my last New Zealand blog entry so I'll hang up the towel soon. I've got a few hours left in this country and I suppose I'll go out and spend them in the best manner that I can, hanging out with friends and enjoying the dwindling moments of their company. I hope everything is well with the people who are reading this, I'm sure I'll see all of you soon. I'll write one or two entries when I return to the country and let you know how I'm adjusting, but until then I bid you g'day.

10 sleeps left in New Zealand

Hmmm... what to say that hasn't already been said. I've got a little over a week left of time here in the Kiwi country. I'm not really sure what else to write about. I'm pretty content with things at this point in the trip (aside from the impending two exams that are looming over my head). I don't have a lot on my mind aside from trying to get through some studying and do well on these last few assessments. I had a nice, quiet week working on my sociology take-home exam, which I think turned out pretty well (for the most part). Still no word on any final grades for the two classes I'm now done with, but I feel pretty confident with my marks in both of them. We'll see how confident I am with my two unfinished classes once monday evening rolls around and I am entirely done. With that being said I've still made time to get out a little bit and enjoy the last few weeks I have with friends (in fact maybe a little too much). I figured there's only so much you can fret over studying and worrying about what letter grade you're going to receive for your work. I've worked hard this semester and feel pretty on top of the material I need to know for the final, so why not take a few breaks here and there to help pass the time and little more enjoyably.

I know I will be sad when I have to say goodbye to people, but I feel somewhat (guiltily) apathetic at this point. I think that's just because I really haven't even realized how soon I'm leaving. Even though I'm down to almost single-digit days left it still seems far off. I guess I've settled into that mindset over the past few months. There would be times when I would miss home, but I focused on the present and worked to enjoy each minute I have over here, cause who knows when something like this will happen again. I guess I've gotten a bit caught up in that mentality and while I've been subconsciously counting down the days until I get home it still feels far off for some reason. I guess my mind is a bit conflicted right now about what to feel. I'm sure I'll realize all the things that warrant missing as I'm leaving the country and within a few weeks of being home. People I've talked to ask me how the experience was and I pretty much tell them all the same thing. It was really great, I saw some amazing things and met some exceptional people, but I'm ready to be home. Some of my abroad friends said they felt the same way, while others wish they could spent the rest of their lives abroad (I guess it really just depends on the individual). Personally, I just have far too much emotional investment back home to be able to spend more that five months away.

It will definitely be odd arriving home and having most of my friends having either already left town or gearing up to leave town for the remaining months of summer. I guess that's too be expected though I mean it's the summer before most people's senior years and although I'll be a junior (thank you five-year system) I still feel that sense of being more grown up than I'd like to admit. This whole experience kind of solidified that feeling too. I mean being able to be out on your own, halfway around the world for five months is not small feat. I've been in situations and circumstances here that are outside of my comfort zone, I've grown up, and I suppose the most amazing thing of all is that I come out of this with both feet planted firmly on the ground. I feel a bit more level-headed than when I left the country. I've learned how to relax a little, not stress too much over everything. I've taken a backseat in planning things that I normally would've taken charge of. I've tried to step out of my comfort zone physically, emotionally, and socially and I'd like to think I've benefited from it. I'm still that same sleep deprived stress case I've always been, but maybe just a little less-so now. There's only so much you can worry about everything, and stress is only productive in very small doses. I hope to keep that mindset going into the last few years of school, because graduate coursework is not going to be a cakewalk by any means.

I guess I've learned a little bit how to focus on the present while I'm over here. People always talk about when are you ever going to get to experience something like this again and in that question/statement lies an idea that I probably should have clung onto a long time ago. There's only so much that planning for the future can do for you and there are times when you need to sit back and enjoy where you are in life. Sure you can take time to look back and see where you've been, look forward to see where you're going, but all in all if you don't take time to enjoy where you are now then what's the point? I guess I may be a little hypocritical because as I write this I'm somewhat counting down the days until I get home, but putting that aside I've really tried to enjoy my time over here for what it is, a fleeting experience. I guess that can be said about any experience, ever moment is fleeting in reality, the good and the bad will both pass and cling to what you can because it's not like any of us are getting any younger. Alright well I'm not entirely sure what the overall message of this entry is/was supposed to be, but I figured it had been a little while and I should update and this is what came out. I've got a few entries left in me before I retire this blog so I'm sure you are all looking forward to my final profound thoughts to come in the next week or so, but until next time, take care.

20 days left (almost down to the teens)

The pictures for today are brought to you from the northern tip of New Zealand. That would be to the northern most point of the north island (I wanted to see how many times I could say north in the first two sentences of my blog). It was a fairly amazing spot to look out on, but it was very much geared towards tourists, which was a bit of a downside. I think I mentioned this before, but it probably bears repeating. Most of my favorite parts of our trip across the country were the places that were off the beaten path, where you could really sit down and enjoy everything around you. I do enjoy places like this that are naturally beautiful, but it does have a detracting aspect when everyone is busy around you with cameras out and posing for that perfect photo. I guess that was one upside of me losing my camera on this trip, I really didn't have to worry about capturing everything I saw in a digital image, I could just relax and look around and know that I was experiencing this for myself and not worrying about viewing everything though a lens. Technology tends to make you worry more about relaying information than actually absorbing it. Thus, why our generation needs iPhones to look up on wikipedia all the answers to the questions that we should already know if we paid attention half the time we were supposed to. Hmmm well I guess that's enough of an aside as to why technology will be the downfall of our generation and of human intelligence in general (believe me I'm not suggesting I'm exempt from such accusations, if I'm leaving my flat for over a minute I won't go without my iPod in hand).
Well I guess it's come down to the last three weeks of my time in New Zealand (actually less than three weeks if you want to get technical about it). I can't say I've really absorbed that idea yet, I've been living in this place for about 4.5 months and I guess a lot of things have become habit for me. I'll probably miss them once their gone, but I can't pinpoint any one things that I'll really miss once I board that plane on the 28th. I guess my mind is a bit more focused on the finals I have ahead of me in the coming weeks. I finished my game theory final (and therefore am done with the course entirely) this past Friday. I'm pretty sure it went well, but I'll know for sure in about a week or two, but regardless it feels good to have at least one class checked off my list so now I can move on to the three others that await. This coming week will consist of me reading and writing essays for my take-home sociology exam. I don't foresee this as being a really difficult assignment, I guess the most difficult aspect is facing procrastination in the face and staring it down until I finish the exam and hand it in by friday.
I may be doing a bit of traveling towards the end of the week, a handful of friends went on a trip around the south island for this week (since it's a study week and I'm the only one who has a take-home test due). I might end up meeting up with them later on in the week down in Dunedin if I can get my act together. I'm not entirely sure I'm up for traveling, but I can always decide that later on in the week. I've actually enjoyed the past couple of days being quieter without everyone around and always feeling like I should be going out or doing something. There is something quite fitting about winding down my time in New Zealand, by spending some quieter time to sit back and reflect a bit and, perhaps more importantly, catch up on some sleep. I suppose a lot of people would be bummed to have a take-home exam during the week when everyone is traveling, but I'm glad to have my finals somewhat divided up over four weeks. I know a lot of friends who have a lot of finals crammed together, which makes preparation a bit hard. However, even with mine being a bit more spread out I will have environmental economics and modern world history (which I am most certainly not looking forward to) within two days of each other. So after this week I'll buckle down and study for the following one and then have my two exams on the 20th and 22nd. Then it's six days until I'm on a plane home.
Aside from that mini-update on academics and whatnot I'm not sure I have any other terribly exciting news to report on. I'm a bit tired-eyed right now even though it's only 8 p.m. so maybe I'll get to bed early tonight (although that's probably wishful thinking at best). Perhaps I'll spend a bit of time trying to get a start on my sociology exam since I've put it off for the past few days, but again that may a bit to ask for right now. I can safely say that I've most definitely reached that point where I'm ready a for a couple of months off from school work (although I feel kind of guilty saying that because I've spent the last four months in a foreign country many would kill to visit, but in my defense I did do a fair amount of school work and have stayed on top of my studies over here). Well, maybe I'll come back next week with an amazing story, or maybe I'll give you another terribly exciting update on how my finals are going because I know how much you love to hear about that kind of stuff. Or maybe I'll just have a bit more on my mind that I do right now, which would make for a more interesting entry. Until then I hope everything is going well with you all halfway across the world.

rounding out the last few weeks

Well I know I seem to have gotten a little behind on my weekly regular entries. I like to think that I write such lengthy and involved entries that it's hard for my brain to recover in a week (but really that's just me making up long-shot excuses for procrastinating). So now it's nearly 2 a.m. on a Wednesday morning and I'm at my computer blogging. I've just finished up studying for the evening for an exam which is on Friday. I'm by no means done preparing, but I'm at least done for the night/morning which is a start. I suppose I didn't get as much done this past weekend as I would have liked (it was a three day weekend because it was the Queen's birthday this past monday, so hooray for monarchies). However, I did get to go out and have a grand time with friends and sleep the days away, which is something I think everyone needs now and again so I'm not too upset with the lack of time I devoted to studying (what an exemplary scholarship student I am, huh?). Anyway I've been packing in the past few days with reading and note-taking and will be packing the next few with review and practice tests. I'm not too worried about the test, I think it will be manageable and then after that it's one class down three to go.

It's very odd to be at the tail end of classes. As much as I'm looking forward to going home, I've realized how fast the past four months have gone. In fact I can kind of hardly believe that I've been over here that long. In some ways it feels like an eternity and in others it feels like an instant. I'm not really conflicted about leaving here, but I think the fact that the time felt like it went by fast probably is a good aspect in terms of my enjoyment of the experience (I guess you could go with the sure-fire saying of 'time flies when you're having fun'). I guess I've just kept busy with classes and trying to adjust and absorb a new environment that I haven't really stopped to watch the days go by. Yet here I am with 25 days left in a foreign country I may never see again (who knows where my life travels will take me, but it's not like America where I know I'll return again and again). I think it's going to be very odd to say goodbye to people I've gotten to know so well, yet may never encounter again. I haven't really focused on acknowledging that aspect of it yet. I think everyone has their utopian views of the world, where they picture themselves staying in touch and seeing all their friends again in their future. I guess it's easier to stay in touch given the age of technology we're in, but technology doesn't make distances any shorter to travel across (yet at least).

I guess I'm kind of in the mode of one day at a time right now. Both academically and socially. I've got only a little bit of time in between tests (I don't consider a week to be an entirely large amount of time to study for two finals, especially when one is modern world history) so I'm trying to get assessments ready and done with as they're thrown at me. It's working well so far, but that might be because I have yet to have a final exam, we'll see how I feel about my prior sentiments in about four days. Anyways, I keep going back to thinking about how drastically different my experience has been than what I expected it to be initially. As I've mentioned before, this is neither good nor bad, this experience has been what it's been and I wouldn't necessarily change anything about it. I think I just came in here expecting to be completely immersed in a new culture and immediately in love with the country. Neither of these has happened, but I've definitely adjusted to my surroundings here and acquired a fondness for the country over the span of my stay here. I'll be somewhat sad to see it all go, but I will also welcome New Hampshire and Boston with open arms. I find that I've missed the big things and little things about home. The personal relationships I have with friends and family are obvious, but even beyond that all the minutiae of life at home at school have taken a permanent residence in my mind for the past few months.

I also guess I expected to be a somewhat different person coming over here. What better environment to change your persona than in a country where no one knows your name or face. While I have a grown a mighty manly (read: scruffy) beard, I don't think I've changed anything. However, I've learned some important things about myself. Namely, that I like who I am and am comfortable in my own skin. That's more than I can say for a lot of people, and while I know I have shortcomings and faults, I am largely happy with the person I've developed into. For example, I expected to come over here and be a much more outdoors-oriented person, since New Zealand is known for it's natural beauty and scenic landscapes, however, this didn't really happen. I did spend three weeks traveling, camping, etc. across the country which I enjoyed immensely, but I realized that I'm not an outdoors person and I'm okay with that. I've adopted the view that it takes getting out of your comfort zone to know where it is to begin with. I'm not a huge fan of hiking, camping, fishing, etc. What I do really do enjoy though is doing things that other people really enjoy as a way to get to know them better. I would not know the people I went on that trip half as well (hell even a quarter as well) as I do now had it not been for doing all of those things on that trip. There are things that you can only find out about people given certain scenarios and situations. People show their true colors when you're around them 24/7 for three weeks crammed into a packed tiny car and doing every activity with them.

I guess the same could be said with the larger experience I've had over here in New Zealand. This is something that really can't be replicated in any way shape or form. All the things I've done over here and the people I met have been in the context of this trip and this experience. I guess you could really say that about any stage in life, but I feel that it's especially true when you're halfway around the world with a whole lot of people around that you don't know in the slightest. Well now that I've expanded an individual insight, from a road trip, to my experience in New Zealand, to all my past/present/future life experiences that's as good a place as any to wrap up this entry. I'm sorry to not have exciting news on the happenings over here halfway across the world (in the future mind you), but seeing as how the majority of my time will be taken up with academia in the next few weeks, you'll have to deal with my ramblings in the next few entries. Oh and sorry for the lack of visual stimuli in this entry I am too tired/lazy to pick out good photos and insert them into the entry (and yes, I am that lazy right now).

writer's blog (it's a pun on writer's block if you didn't catch that)

Hello faithful readers. I'm back after taking a week break from updating. Although I can't say I've got any more to say because of it. The pics in this entry are from the (I think) third week of our trip where we went canyoning a little bit outside of Auckland. Now for those of you who don't really know what canyoning is (as I didn't before I went) it's basically putting a wetsuit and a helmet on and jumping off of cliffs, repelling down waterfalls, and sliding down fast moving streams. Also, on a side note, wet suits have got to be some of the most uncomfortable apparel every invented (and this is coming from a person who wear awkwardly tight shirts and jeans). They make me feel like I'm trapped in a tight sponge that smells of mildew and sweat (yeah, they're that good).
Anyway, canyoning was a lot of fun. It was pretty grey and rained the whole time we were out, but it doesn't really matter when you're in a wetsuit jumping into and wading through water the whole time your out. Our guide was named Neil and I'm pretty sure he was crazy. The five of us would spend about 40 minute total repelling down a waterfall and he would just proceed to jump off of it like it was not a big deal at all. However, I've found that I oftentimes think most kiwis are crazy in one way or another, so I guess he's pretty standard considering his country of residence.
I must admit that I'm not the most comfortable person when it comes to heights. Now jumping off of a miniature cliff into a pool of water is not that big of a deal to me, but repelling down a large waterfall was a bit anxiety producing to me. To all of you who love to go climbing and are used to repelling and belaying and all of that then I commend you, but I don't think it's for me. After repelling down one waterfall I was pretty sure I could manage okay (even though I was far from comfortable with it). However, the next (and last) waterfall we were supposed to repel down proved a bit trickier for me. I don't find it particular natural to lean all my weight back when the only thing holding me from falling down a large drop is a rope and some metal. So the last waterfall we went two at a time (on different ropes but next to each other). I was doing alright to begin with but about halfway down the waterfall I managed to lose my footing, because you know rocks covered in moss get kind of slippery when it's raining and there's water running over them. So I lost my footing and kind of crashed body first into the rocks. That would've been fine in and of itself, but knowing me I have to outdo myself and I proceeded to unsuccessful get back into a position that was comfortable to repel down in and about every three steps would do the exact same thing, slip and crash in the rocks (I guess that's one reason why they make wetsuits padded). It helps further when you're trying to avoid crashing into a friend repelling next to you all the while two of your friends are at the bottom laughing at you, not so much elegantly repel down the waterfall as stumble your way down holding onto a rope every time you lose footing and slam into a rock wall. Anyway that's pretty much all I have to say about the canyoning experience. Aside from a few scrapes and bruises it actually was really fun and I would recommend it if you ever get a chance.
Aside from recollecting a little bit about a portion of our road trip I don't have a whole lot to update you all on, unfortunately. I have a presentation and paper due at the end of this week. A final next week, a take home test the week after that, then a week to study and my last two finals. Then I have six days off until I'm on a plane back home. I really feel like I'm in a wind down mode right now. I don't have a frantic desire to go out and have a last hurrah and see more of the country or go out and live it up every night. I'm really more in the mood to just relax the last few weeks, get work done and finish up this semester. I've been feeling a little spacey and removed lately, but I'm not entirely sure why that is, maybe a lack of sufficient sleep or a lot of work building up to the last few weeks, or maybe some combination of those two things. I'm looking forward to getting home, but I don't think I'm giving enough consideration to the amount I'll miss the people and things I've seen here. I guess that'll come more after I've left and returned home.
Also I think part of me is a little scared about going home. I know it'll only have been five months away, but I feel like a lot has changed in five months. Plus in about 10 more they'll be even more change when friends start graduating and moving to different parts of the country, getting on with their lives and whatnot. I think a part of me always wants to stay in the present even if it's not entirely where I want to be, just because at least the passing of time is one less thing to worry about. I was walking outside yesterday and it kind of hit that I've grown up quite a bit while I've been over here (and no that's not in reference to my awesome manly beard, although it should be), but I think oftentimes the mentality I just mentioned gets me too caught up in trying to stay in one place and not realizing where's I've been or how far I've drifted from where I started. I guess it's normal to worry a bit about how other people have changed if I think I've changed over the past few months, but only time will tell if that's valid or not. Alright well I feel like I've gone off rambling a bit to compensate for me not having much to write for this entry so I'm going to call it quits here. Hopefully I'll come back next week with a bit more of a spark.

farewell to cape farewell

The pictures in this entry are from a place we went to on the northern tip of the south island called Cape Farewell. We learned about it after getting hopeless lost in the Abel Tasman national park and had to stop in at a random spall bar/restaurant to get oriented. We met an American women named Jane who, a few years past, had moved to New Zealand and told us about a few of the prettier sights around the area. It's a bit off the beaten track and we arrived there right at sunset. It was an absolutely gorgeous place with cliffs, beaches, huge caves, and sweeping fields. It was probably one of my favorite places that we saw on our whole three week road trip. I don't have a whole lot to say about it, I feel it's easier to let the pictures speak for themselves here. It was really a breathtaking place to wander around and explore.

Aside from that I suppose I'll give an update at where my head is at this point of the study abroad experience. Being homesick has started to set in, somewhat significantly. Maybe this is because I know I'm done with the majority (if not all) of my traveling around NZ, or because I have to do papers and study for tests for most of my remaining time here, or maybe because it's starting to feel like winter here while it's summer back home, or maybe it's all (or none) of these things. What I think really is resonating with me right now is how quick life passes by. It's an odd mental twist because you would think that the aforementioned mentality would make me cherish my last few weeks here and value every limited minute I have left on this country, but it's surprisingly somewhat the opposite. I find myself thinking more and more about how most of my friends are now home in NH (or will soon be) and that this is the last summer where most of my classmates will be home for a significant period of time.
It struck me while sitting in my room for most of the day while it was grey, cold, and raining/sleeting outside that you can immerse yourself as much as possible in a foreign environment and fall in love as much as you want, but that it's still just that: a foreign environment. I know it's probably trite to say home is where the hear is, but that sentiment has really been resonating with me. I find myself wishing I could just be at home hanging with friends and family lately maybe it's just a temporary thing in the next week I'll be wanting to stay here, but it doesn't quite feel temporary in that manner. There's only so much time that we have on this earth and it's ultimately up to us to decide how we spend it, and I truly feel that, while scenic beauty and a foreign environment can cause feelings of awe and amazement, that those are ultimately a distant second to the awe and amazement you feel from just the most ordinary personal experiences you have via the relationships with the people you love. I do enjoy the company of the people I've met here and have made lots of good friends, but so much of the culture here is around going out and drinking and partying that it seems somewhat watered down.
I keep coming back to this line from a song by the format: "you know the night life is just not for me, cause all you really need are a few good friends". I guess my mind works lyrically and musically and I could probably cite a lyric or song for any mood that I'm going through, but that's really what has resonated with me over the past few days, just a single line from one song. It's odd that you find the deepest truths in the simplest of phrases so often. Something written does have to be profoundly complex or packed with SAT vocabulary words to insight the simplest and most powerful emotions in us as humans. Sorry that was a bit of a digression, but it all comes back to having really realized what's so important about life and our short existence in a massive world. A person can be inspired by any number of things (music, sport, dance, etc.) and most times you can transport your passion wherever you go in life, but you can't transport that feeling of home. That sense of belonging that you only feel at certain places in life and maybe it's a temporary feeling and people can learn to call home wherever they want it, but right now, at this point in life, home means one, and only one, thing.
I'm not sure why I get quite nostalgic and homesick from time to time. It's weird that trivial things trigger a deep onset of emotions in me. Not in a sad or depressing way, but I guess in a happy way. I mean I wouldn't feel this way if I didn't have so much I care about back home, and it would be much more unsettling if I was never homesick and didn't miss anything back home, but that is obviously not the case so I guess I can rest assured. It just seems like while I do only have a finite amount of time left here, I also only have a finite amount of time left at home before adulthood comes crashing in hard (as if it hasn't already has). I'm at five year school so I may be a little behind everyone else, but the real world with graduate schools and jobs and families and all the glorious and terrifying aspects of truly accepting that you're an adult can take to you far reaches of the country if not the world. I can't help, but feel that I'm missing out on some things while I'm over here these past few weeks. Of course you could just as easily flip that statement and say if I was home I would be missing thing over here in NZ for the next few weeks. It's just not the same, I guess I'm just so much more invested in my life back home than I am here (quite understandably).
Oftentimes I find it's harder to get away from things over here. Yet another somewhat contradictory statement, after all, how is harder to get away from things when you're halfway around the world from everything? I guess since everyone is so adamant about making the most of their time in NZ that they're always looking to go places, meet up, hang out, go out, and so on and so forth. Meanwhile at the same time I feel like I should be doing all of those things so it's hard to find the mental determination to put off all of that and just spend some time alone. There are always people around our flat, or on campus, or anywhere really (I mean we're in a city after all). What's weird though is that I can always find solace in walking around in Boston at night with just my iPod and an empty mind, but I don't find that I can do that here. I think I just don't have the same comfort with this city as I do Boston, which is to be expected I've only been here for a few months (and will only be here for a few more). I guess I just miss being able to escape in that sense (if that really makes any sense, which it might not to some of you).
I feel that I should probably reiterate at this point that it's not like I'm disliking my time here and am counting down to my departure this entry is more of a venting of these feelings, because it's often just a whole lot easier for me to lay back and enjoy myself after this is all put to paper (or to screen I guess would be the correct way to phrase it for this blog). I'm still enjoying being here, it just doesn't have the same allure that it did in it's initial stages or that it did while driving across the country. This entry was a lot more profound and insightful in my head when I had it all jumbled in a mess up there, but I hope it wasn't a complete bore and you've at least made it to this last sentence. I keep saying that I'll update with some more brief entries with a few pictures and a description of places we traveled to (and maybe I will, who knows), but as of now you're going to have to get by with my weekly entries that are a bit too long (sorry people, I just like to make things difficult). Until next time I hope all is well with everyone reading this.